You have heard this before, I guarantee it. Most people focus on the last part, using it to teach about the power of words (words do hurt you, but that is a story for another time). But today I want to focus on something people don't usually address- the sticks and stones. Have you ever thought about what they actually are? Why is it that we let the sticks and stones hurt us in the first place? I am going to take the liberty of explaining what I think on the subject.
What are sticks and stones?
Imagine a stone hurtling towards you at who-knows-how-many-miles-an-hour. Imagine the fear, panic, and confusion you would feel. This stone would most likely be falling from a high ledge or thrown from the hand of someone else, with possible but not guaranteed ill intent. Imagine attempting to cover your face from the anticipated impact and pain, only to find it hurt your hands just as much as your face.
Can you think of anything else that may entice the same reaction? Our bodies have a natural protective system wired into our very makeup. We are subconsciously on guard, constantly protecting our vital parts and pieces. Though, this is in far more ways than physical.
I'd like you to imagine the stone again. But instead of seeing a fist-sized piece of conglomerate minerals, I want you to see your hardest trial. Something big, uncontrollable, dangerous. Something you probably didn't chose, something that either the world, people around you, or your own biological or chemical makeup is inflicting upon you. Something that may or may not be out of anger, hurt, or lust. Something that gives you those sore neck muscles and tear-soaked cheeks because of how heavy it is to carry.
Your choices seem pretty limited as this stone comes quickly towards you. Cover your face, or let it hit you strait on. Neither are preferable-- and I am here to tell you neither are required.
Why these are stupid, but needed.
Before I go any further, I think it is important to address why we even have these sticks and stones. (I will primarily just be using the example of stones, because honesty, sticks aren't that great of an analogy. Sorry, sticks.) A few common stones come to mind as I write this: Depression, broken family, physical or mental disabilities, abuse (sexual, physical, mental), poverty, addictions, neglect, psychological disorders- if you can name it, it probably counts. I cannot answer the question as to why we have them, but I can say why we need them.
I am a God-fearing Christian, that wholeheartedly believes in a bigger plan. I know God has a reason for putting me here- in this place, with these people and these trials. And I know it takes a lot of courage to look at the mess we call "life" and say thank you, I needed this. But when you think about it, that is all we can do. What better way to create a smooth, polished carving than with sand paper? What better way to smooth out a jagged stone, than thousands of years of water and waves? What better way to harden a beautiful clay sculpture, than a staggeringly hot kiln? The people we want to be like-- that we look up to and admire-- were built by their trials. To have a trial-free life is to have a pointless life. Anything worth striving towards can be achieved through the growth and knowledge gained from trials.
Why we are letting ourselves get hurt.
I am probably preaching to the choir here, so I will get to the point. Don't be a victim. We all have these trials and we all know they suck. If you look throughout history, people idolize those who had sore trials and were able to overcome and become better because of it. So why not you? Were they any less human than yourself? Weren't they just ordinary people trying their best? What makes you any different? What excuse are you riding on, that is keeping you from being just as successful as they were?
There is something called a Victim Mentality. It is the idea that you are subject to the will of whatever is being inflicted upon you. It is the idea that you are powerless, and have no means of making your situation better. let me tell you a hard truth: THAT IS NEVER THE CASE. Never, in the history of the world, has there been a situation where someone was completely powerless to make it better.
Dr Viktor E Frankl was a Psychologist, Neurologist, Holocaust survivor, and author of the book Man's Search For Meaning. In his book he says: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” We all have agency, if we like it or not. It is our choice if these stones overcome us, no matter how difficult.
Don't beg for pain!
Now please, please do not think I am being naive in saying what I have. I do not claim any expertise on this subject- I am only saying what I have learned from my own trials. No, I don't know what depression feels like. I have never been starving, in a war zone, or had cancer. The only bone I've broken is my nose, and it was completely accidental. I've never had a baby, shot someone, or been paralyzed. I have not had some of the experiences that so many people have had. But I have felt pain. I have been hurt, betrayed, made fun of. I've had bad days, where all you can do is cry and hope sleep comes fast. I have seen loved ones suffer and fight just to be happy each day. I have feared for my life. I may not know what true pain is, but I do know one thing: we are always in control.
Yes, you were wronged. You didn't deserve it! You don't want it! But it's still here. And sometimes you need to put on your big boy pants and just. keep. walking. Playing the victim-- having the mindset that you are powerless and weak and trapped-- is only asking for more pain. It's as if you were the one giving the stones to the throwers, saying "Hit me again! That's all I get anyways."
"With my luck.."
Oh how I hate this saying! This embodies the very mindset that I am tying so strongly to advise you against. The idea that you are destined to have bad things happen to you, simply because you have been wronged before. Do you realize you are creating the very thing you are complaining about? Negative thoughts bring negative results. If you tell yourself over and over that you will be hurt, then you will be hurt. You are telling yourself and everyone around you that you don't deserve any better. How do you expect the rest of the world to react to that? And more importantly, how do you think God feels about that? Having His most precious and valued creation be called weak, powerless, and worth only pain and misery? Can you imagine the pain He feels every time you self-shame, beat yourself down, or think negative thoughts about yourself? Every time you allow yourself to be the victim, you are telling God "I won't let you help me, because I am not worth it." Every time you play the victim, you collect stones to give to your enemies. You are asking, begging to be hurt again, which creates a never-ending cycle of pain.
We need to stop babying ourselves and cradling our wounds. We are far more powerful than we could ever imagine, and with God's help there is not a single trial we cannot overcome. We are not our circumstances, and the sooner we learn this the better. There is a big 'ol world out there just waiting to be discovered. There are people out there waiting to be touched by your courage and strength, as you have been by others before you. Don't let them down. Don't let yourself down. There is enough chocolate in this world to keep you going, I promise.
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